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My Saturn return is over, which means that when I shifted my body rather violently and bumped my teeth into my laptop screen, nothing broke. My arm hit my keyboard and it pushed my laptop screen into my mouth. Teeth marks on screen. The term “flip cup” comes to mind even though these two things are completely different? Back to teeth marks on screen. I’m not taking things personally (on account of miss Saturn returned). I’m still talking massive shit, but what’s helpful about when I do it is that I’m correct. I have a good sense of newsworthiness, relatively okay judgment, and best of all, if I’m talking too much shit, my guardrail is suddenly remembering the passage of time and getting freaked out. Btw if it turns out that you read this and then see that I’m actually behaving the opposite, don’t worry about it. It’s helpful that someone out there is probably talking shit about me, but whoever it is is being discreet. A few options for who I think it is, if you’re asking: 1) Doctors. I am the one from the “doctors HATE her” clickbait! 2) My bitch aunt. I love all of my aunts and also see them as people, which is why I accept their flaws, except for this one. When I was nine, I had a cough, and bitch aunt convinced my mom that forcing me to bite directly into a stick of butter would fix it. It didn’t. Has a problem with me for sure. 3) Six years ago, my apartment had a roach infestation so bad, the exterminator said, “I’ve never seen something this bad in my life,” and it wasn’t his first day. He may be talking about me today, but ideally is more focused on my nasty little roommate. 4) Random woman who replied “such a weird first thread haha” to something I posted on instagram meta’s threads as though I’m posting there for fun and not because a woman has me at gunpoint to “post on social media.” Shut the fuck up!!! Well it seems I’m now talking shit about her. Sorry 5) The two separate vendors who got annoyed when I asked if they had Impossible burgers at the monster truck rally. They’re not thinking about me still, but what if? It’s nice to think of your impact.